Perfect Mum? Don’t look at me!

In the various courses I provide, we talk a lot about parenting and I always hope that I never come across as thinking I am a perfect mum. Firstly, this is because I don’t actually strive to be perfect (in BabyCalm courses especially we talk about Winnicott’s concept of the ‘Good-Enough’ mother rather than attempting to be perfect), and secondly, if you could see how I parent, any pretence of perfection would be pretty quickly shattered.

BabyCalm Croydon Good Enough Perfect Mother

Yesterday was definitely an imperfect day; tantrums were had, tears were shed – and that was just me! We went en famille to a supermarket in search of gloves for F and T. For various reasons, the search for good waterproof gloves has rivalled that of the Holy Grail in our house. High street shops generally don’t seem to stock gloves for school age children and online retailers have sent us the wrong size on multiple occasions. This shop had a very poor choice i.e. none suitable for T at all. Chuck into the mix the fact that, inexplicably, F just can’t get her hand into any pair of gloves, whatever the size and I am afraid I might have lost my temper.

Ultimately we did get over it but I went to bed feeling a failure. In fact I had a little cry to myself and was reminded of a similar ‘failure’ when F was much younger. There is no mum on this Earth who is perfect. I understand the desire to strive to be perfect but the reality is that we all make mistakes. It would be fair to say I make parenting mistakes every day but I am happy that I am ‘Good-Enough’. My children see that I am human, that I make mistakes and that I also try to put things right, however bungling my efforts may seem at times.

Oh, and I ordered waterproof mittens (not gloves) on the internet last night…

To learn how to be a Good Enough Mum, take a look HERE at the BabyCalm Courses that I provide.

Happy New Year Baby!

HypnoBirthing Croydon

Another year has passed and I have been reflecting on what 2012 has brought with it – it has been quite  a year both professionally and personally for me, with lots of people helping me along the way, usually without even realising that they are helping me. I have been blessed to encounter so many lovely people who I have enjoyed working and studying with.

In my HypnoBirthing™ I have worked with:

  • couples who have had babies in the breech position and HypnoBirthing™ has helped the baby turn;
  • cynical dads (you know who you are!) who have really embraced HypnoBirthing™, realising that it is actually based on common sense and I’m not the hippy that they feared;
  • mums who thought an elective caesarean section might be the easier option only to end up looking forward to a natural birth after using HypnoBirthing™;Croydon HypnoBirthing
  • couples who haven’t had ‘text-book births’ but who have raved about how great their experience was because HypnoBirthing™ helped them to ‘own’ the decision making process;
  • mums who have been hospitalised during pregnancy so the HypnoBirthing™ sessions have taken place at hospital;
  • a mum who birthed her baby on 10/11/12!
  • lectured to student and registered midwives on how HypnoBirthing™ can facilitate a ‘normal birth’ and helped midwives to understand how they can best help HypnoBirthing parents.

In my BabyCalm™ work I have worked with:

  • Expectant first time parents who were nervous about what on earth wouldhow to calm a baby happen when their baby was born who went on to have lovely early days with their newborn;
  • New parents who thought that they were getting this parenting-lark wrong but actually when we talked about it in the Colic & Crying Workshop realised they were doing a great job;
  • New first-time mums who made great new friends in the Mother & Baby classes;
  • New second-time around mums who wanted to do things differently this time

Of course, bullet-pointing it like this doesn’t give scope to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed working with parents this year – with them typically arriving a little uncertain and leaving with raised self-confidence.

I’ve spent another year studying and attending some great events:

  • At the Royal College of Medicine Hypnosis in Childbirth Seminar I heard how HypnoBirthing™ is being used in the NHS and about the research being conducted by Professor Soo Downe (watch this space!)
  • At the BabyCalm Conference in London I met Michel Odent who spoke on the importance of Oxytocin in the post-natal bonding process, Naomi Stadlen who spoke on ‘What Mothers Do’ and Oliver James who spoke on ‘Love Bombing’. All very thought provoking.
  • At the HypnoBirthing™ Institute Study Day in London I heard the founder of HypnoBirthing™, Mickey Mongan, speak about the improvements being made to the HypnoBirthing™ course.
  • Exhibited at the NCT Baby Show at Trinity School, Croydon, meeting lots of expectant and new parents and meeting lots of other birth and baby professionals
  • Exhibited at the Mothercare Baby & Me Event, again meeting a cross-section of expectant parents.

I was also awarded the Gold Seal by the HypnoBirthing Institute and the HypnoBirthing UK Advisory Board nominated me as the Regional Liaison for South London.

Croydon HypnoBirthingPhew! What a year! On top of all this, I took up running this time last year (not a New Year Resolution, just happened to find a fantastic pair of running shoes) and went from being able to run about 100m (I kid you not!) to running the Croydon 10K in October in 7 minutes less than I anticipated with the 2 best supporters in the world cheering me on!

I wonder how 2013 will top that!

BabyCalm Review

I am very lucky. I get to work with expectant and new parents at a really exciting time in their lives. Whether I am working with expectant parents teaching HypnoBirthing or with new mums running a BabyCalm parenting class, I first see people when they are a little nervous and unsure and then see their confidence grow. I see them learn to trust that their body can birth a baby, that they can help their partner give birth or that they are a great mum just the way they are.

Today I had some lovely feedback from a mum who has just completed  the 4 week BabyCalm Parenting Course:

Wendy, Baby Sophie and Big Brother Jamie’s story:

“Thank you for your time and the opportunity to learn so many useful techniques to help me bond with my daughter. The course was so much more than I expected and I would recommend it to others whether they have their first baby or second (or more). The small group, the amazing venue and your calm approach created an intimate atmosphere and allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings without feeling embarrassed or self-conscious.”

Aren’t I the lucky one working with such lovely people?

Safe Babywearing

One of the easiest ways to keep your baby happy through the day whilst getting on with the things you need to do is to ‘babywear’ – in other words to carry your baby in a carrier / sling / wrap. Your baby gets to feel snuggled up to its favourite person, listening to your breathing and your heart-beating whilst being rocked as you move along. When you think about it, it’s really reminiscent for your baby of being in the womb, which let’s face it, was a really nice place for him/her to be.

There are loads of Babywearing products on the market and I’m not going to tell you which to buy (whispers: the Moby Wrap is my favourite) but what I can do is give you a few pointers on what to look for. The primary thing we are looking to avoid is an occurrence of hip dysplasia or dislocation.

After birth, it takes several months for your baby’s hip and knee joints to stretch out naturally, perhaps even longer for a Frank Breech baby. The hip-joint is a ball and socket joint. During the first few months of life the ball is more likely to be loose within the socket because babies are naturally flexible and because the edges of the socket are made of soft cartilage. If the hips are forced into a stretched-out position too early, the ball is at risk of permanently deforming the edges of the cup-shaped socket (hip dysplasia) or gradually slipping out of the socket altogether (hip dislocation).

So what does this have to do with Babywearing? Well, quite a lot of carriers, especially those available on the High Street, don’t hold the child in a helpful way. What you’re ideally looking for is for your baby’s legs to be held in a frog-like pose so that the hips are held correctly. Here are some great pictures from the International Hip Dysplasia Institute:

This first picture shows a typical, well-marketed carrier. The ball of the hip joint is pushed out, risking hip dysplasia/dislocation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This second picture shows a well-designed carrier; it holds the baby’s hip joint in the correct position. Consider these images when choosing the carrier for you and your baby. Basically, look for ‘froggy-style’ legs rather than a ‘crotch-dangler’.

5 TICKS to safety:

To ensure your baby remains safe – just remember TICKS:

T – TIGHT – The carrier should be tight enough to hug your baby close to you as this will be most comfortable for you both. If it is too loose, your baby will slump down in the carrier which can hinder their breathing and pull on your back.

I – IN VIEW – You should always be able to see your baby’s face by simply glancing down without having to move any fabric. In a cradle position your baby should face upwards rather than turned in towards your body.

C – CLOSE ENOUGH TO KISS – your baby’s head should be as close to your chin as is comfortable. By tipping your head forward you should be able to kiss your baby on the head or forehead.

K- KEEP CHIN OFF THE CHEST – If your baby’s chin is on their chest, their breathing  could be restricted. Ensure there is always a space of at least a finger width under your baby’s chin.

S- SUPPORTED BACK – in an upright carry, a baby should be held comfortably close to the wearer so their back is supported in its natural position and their tummy and chest are against you. A good rule of thumb is to place a hand on your baby’s back and pressing gently – they should not uncurl or move closer to you. A baby in a cradle carry in a pouch or ring sling should be positioned carefully with their bottom in the deepest part so the sling does not fold.

If you’d like to find a range of safe carriers, take a look at the shop here

If you want more information on Hip Dysplasia, take a look here